Something Campy This Way Comes

Tonight I ventured out of my little cave to go see Machete. As its a Robert Rodriguez film that wasn't co-written by Tarantino, I wasn't expecting lots of snappy dialogue and witty banter, but more gratuitous violence and silly one liners..........and maybe some tits. I got all these things and more. The movie was exactly what the "fake" trailer before Planet Terror that I watched three years ago promised, Danny Trejo playing the baddest Mexican ever to live on a revenge kick. What I didn't expect was for Rodriguez to take over for Tarantino in the "making actors everyone forgot about and make them relevant" department. The movie had not only Steven Segall but also Don Johnson which totally ruins my what I named my penis joke (Don Johnson, cause hes still awesome, hes just not in anything these days). As for plot, its almost non-existent but thats not why you see a film like this. You see a movie like this for campy violence, bloodspray (and good Lord was there alot of it), and the forgone conclusion that there will be nudity (by the by if you were wondering what Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Alba look like naked....wish granted). There are multiple decapitations, a car crash and a nude girl pulling a cell phone out of....well you figure it out, and thats all before the movie title even comes up. Also if you loved the preview during Planet Terror, every single shot from that made it into this film. This movie was amazing.